Are You God? No way, but it's funny you think so.

In a world where religious suicide bombers are smoking the Kronic and Buddhist terrorists are put down by the Department of Om Land Security, it's always good to get a few laughs--even if it isn't Good Fry Day.

Welcome to Am I God?, an online resource for great jokes, pictures, and quotes. The content presented on this site is not intended to insult or alienate any religion, group, or indvidual but rather to allow us to laugh at ourselves and with others. You never know when a joke can make or break someone's day.

So Relax, Enjoy, and get a few Laughs from Am I God.com! We hope you like what you find, and find what you're looking for! Humor that will get you laughing! Thanks for visiting!

Let's See the Jokes

Random Religious One-Liner

Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little, just to be funny.

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Nun Ya Business

Three Italian nuns die and go to Heaven where St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates.

St. Peter says, "Ladies you have all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want."

First Nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren" and POOF, she's gone.

Second Nun says, "I want to be Madonna" and POOF, she's gone.

The Third Nun says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed, "Who?"

"Sara Pipalini!" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes 'The New York Times' newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing.

He hands it back to her and says, "No, Sister, this says SAHARA PIPELINE laid by 500 men in seven days."

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Breaking the Vow

A Priest and a Rabbi are riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The Rabbi responds "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The Priest then asks "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the Rabbi replies "Yes on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork." The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The Priest replied "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The Rabbi then asked him "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

The Priest replied "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A lot better than pork isn't it?"

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Church Bulletins

Here are some Actual Announcements Taken From Church Bulletins.

  • Don't let worry kill you -- Let the church help.
  • Thursday night -- potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and the community.
  • For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
  • This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
  • Tuesday at 4:-00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
  • Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
  • Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.
  • This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
  • The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water," One of the ladies will start quietly, and the rest of the congregation will join in.
  • Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
  • The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
  • A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" -- come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Exiled Friars

Three friars were banished from their monastery for various rule violations, so they decided to start a business together. They traveled around until they found a town that they liked, and opened up a plant shop. Their floral business was soon thriving.

One day, a woman was shopping at the friar's store, and while she was strolling down an aisle with her toddler, a large plant reached out, grabbed the child, and ate it. Needless to say, the women was quite upset at the loss of her child. However, the friars refused to believe that one of their plants could have done such a thing. The woman told all of her friends about the incident, and soon everyone in the town was in an uproar. They decided to kick the friars out of town. Every person in the town, except for a man named Hugh, gathered outside of the friars shop, shouting, waving sticks, and demanding that they leave. But the friars said "No. We're not leaving". So the townspeople gave up and went home.

Well, a couple weeks later, another woman was walking through the friar's shop, looking at plants with her baby, when a plant grabbed her child and ate it. She ran through the streets screaming that a plant had swallowed her baby. The townspeople were outraged, and again gathered outside the floral shop (except for Hugh), waving torches, and demanding that the friars leave town at once.

But the friars said, "No way." and all the people gave up and went home.

A few days later, yet another woman dared to take her child into the floral shop. She held her infant tightly in her arms, but it was no use. A large ficus wrestled the child from her arms, and ate it.

When the townspeople heard of this, they were extremely upset. They again gathered outside the friar's store (except for Hugh), yelling and threatening bodily harm to the friars if they didn't leave town. But the friars said, "We're staying". So, the citizens gave up and began to go home. Just then, Hugh showed up. He walked up to the friars, and said, "Get out of town, now!". The friars immediately packed up all their belongings and fled that very day, never to be heard from again.

The moral of this story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

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a Catholic, Baptist, and Methodist

One sunny day a Catholic, Baptist, and Methodist were going fishing. Right after they left, the Catholic realized that he had left his supplies on the shore. He got out of the boat, walked on the water, got his supplies on the shore, and walked back on the water and got back into the boat.

Then, the Baptist realized that they did not have enough bait. he got out of the boat, walked on the water, bought a pack of bait, and walked back on the water and got back into the boat.

Then, the Methodist realized that his watch was not working, and he wanted to buy a new one. He took it off, got out of the boat, but sunk all the way down to the bottom of the ocean.

Then, the Catholic and the Baptist looked at each other and said, "Oops, I guess we should have told him were the rocks are!"

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