Am I God? Jokes About God, Religion, Spirituality, and more!

Are You God? No way, but it's funny you think so.

In a world where religious suicide bombers are smoking the Kronic and Buddhist terrorists are put down by the Department of Om Land Security, it's always good to get a few laughs--even if it isn't Good Fry Day.

Welcome to Am I God?, an online resource for great jokes, pictures, and quotes. The content presented on this site is not intended to insult or alienate any religion, group, or indvidual but rather to allow us to laugh at ourselves and with others. You never know when a joke can make or break someone's day.

So Relax, Enjoy, and get a few Laughs from Am I God.com! We hope you like what you find, and find what you're looking for! Humor that will get you laughing! Thanks for visiting!

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Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever think about?

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The Better Pope

There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully they attended parochial school from kindergarten through their Senior year in High School. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation became priests.

Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio was just a cut above Timothy in all respects. Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop, and finally Cardinal was meteoric to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be either Timothy or Antonio who would become the next Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone expected smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see who they had chosen. The world, Catholic, Protestant, and secular was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope.

Antonio was beyond surprise, he was devastated because, even with all Timothy's giftedness, Antonio knew he was the better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, "Why Timothy?'

After long silence one old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered Antonio and rose to reply, "We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called Pope Secola.

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Breaking the Vow

A Priest and a Rabbi are riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The Rabbi responds "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The Priest then asks "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the Rabbi replies "Yes on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork." The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The Priest replied "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The Rabbi then asked him "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

The Priest replied "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A lot better than pork isn't it?"

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One Week Freebie

Two priests die at the same time and meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, "I'd like to get you guys in now but our computers are down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will you be keeping track of us, St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer is down. There's no way we can keep track of what you are doing. This week's a freebie."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.

"Will you have trouble locating them?" He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rocky Mountains, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asks the Lord.

"Because he's on a snow tire somewhere in Alaska."

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The Sins of Three Nuns

There are three nuns and a Mother Superior. The Mother Superior tells the three nuns that before they can receive their Saint name they had one final test. She told them to go commit one sin so that they would not have urges to be bad.

After the three nuns return, the Mother Superior says, "Did you commit your sins?" They all shake their heads yes. The first two nuns are crying, the third is giggling.

The Mother Superior says to the first one, "What sin did you commit child?"

The first nun answers with tears in her eyes. "I was just rotten, I picked flowers from someone's garden."

The Mother Superior says, "Go drink the Holy Water and it will be alright." The third nun is dancing around in laughter.

The Mother Superior asks the second one. Her whole body is shaking and she is crying. "I stole candy from a baby."

The Mother Superior says, "My child, drink the Holy Water and you are forgiven.

The third nun falls on the floor hysterically laughing. The Mother Superior is disgusted and asks, "What are you laughing at?"

The third nun is barely able to answer through her tears of laughter, "I peed in the Holy Water."

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Mrs. Watkins

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising. Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them.

"No, thank you," Mrs. Watkins replied. "The Lord will provide."

The men shrugged and rowed on. By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up.

"Don't trouble yourself," she told him. "The Lord will provide."

Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, "The Lord will provide."

So the boat left, the water rose, and the old woman drowned. Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demanded to speak to God. "What happened?" she cried.

"For cryin' out loud, lady," God said. "I sent three boats."

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